


Lost and Found

by ikwrites



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29957613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikwrites/pseuds/ikwrites
Summary: Mina returns to Seoul to face things she once ran away from. Can something she lost be found again or will it be lost forever.
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Son Chaeyoung, Hirai Momo/Kim Dahyun, Im Nayeon/Myoui Mina, Minatozaki Sana/Yoo Jeongyeon
Kudos: 10





	1. Beers and Uncertainties

I finally return here after years. It feels like it was such a long time that I can't even call this place home. But it used to be. It used to be everything I have ever known and at the time I thought it will be everything that I will ever know. I hailed a cab and as the car started going I looked out the window. A lot has changed but everything seems familiar at the same time. I remember how things used to be a little too well that I can't stop the memories from rushing back.

_6 years ago_

_"This is stupid. You've been taking my picture for hours now, my cheeks are tired" I complained. Pouting and acting cute to emphasize my point_

_"Perfection takes time and it's been 10 minutes. Stop complaining" Nayeon deadpanned "Let's try this, close your eyes"_

_I rolled my eyes but did it anyway_

_"Stop playing around and ask me to be your girlfriend, stupid"_

_My eyes opened and I was grinning from ear to ear. "Do you really mean that?"_

_She was looking at me proudly showing the picture she just captured. It was me but somehow I looked different. In less than a second she managed to capture pure, genuine happiness._

_With an arrogant smirk on her face and a mischievous look in her eyes she said "I told you, perfection takes time"_

The driver suddenly strikes up a conversation breaking me from my trance and for once I was grateful for the distraction. The memory was a bit too painful and I didn't come here to reminsce about the things that were.

"Been gone long?" The driver asked

"3 years, give or take, how'd you know I was from here?" I asked

" I've been around, I just know" the driver shrugged "So why'd you return?"

"Just a friend's wedding. They asked me to be the maid of honor ." I answered. The invitation itself was unexpected moreso my role for the wedding and despite having absolutely no desire to return I still owe my friends alot.

"Well, you're here. Good luck with the wedding."

I've arrived at the hotel and crashed at the bed. I unpacked my things and watched the news. I was thinking if I should prepare for our meeting later or I shouldn't bother at all. My eyes felt heavy and with the gentle hum of the television I quickly fell asleep.

I dreamed about our first date

_It was a gloomy day when we decided to have our first date. A picnic date in the middle of a storm._

_We were lying down and staring at the sky when she suddenly broke the silence._

_" What are you thinking?" She asked_

_"Do you ever feel scared? Of what happens next?" As I keep on checking the weather report on whether it would rain or not_

_"I'm not one for uncertainties and probabilities." She answered_

_"I envy your carefree attitude" and I really do. Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off and stop worrying about things I can't control._

_"It's not that I'm carefree it's just that I'd rather focus on the things I'm certain of. Like how I love photography and how you could capture something beautiful no matter the weather, I love coffee and breakfast at midnights and how I'm absolutely certain that I hate beer " and then she acted like she was throwing up_

_I laughed. I'd gladly be lost in the universe of her thoughts_

_"I'm certain of you"_

_My heart skipped a beat when I heard those words. She didn't say I love you and somehow this seems better. I love her and I promised myself to never mess this up._

I woke up with the phone buzzing like crazy. Apparently my friends missed me alot.

"Where are you? We were supposed to celebrate your homecoming." I checked my watch it's 10 PM

"Sorry, I fell asleep." I mumbled

"Well get here already"

I got ready and I arrive at a pretty tame bar. I wonder what happened to the wild parties my friends were wildly known for. With music blaring I entered the bar not knowing what to expect.

"The woman of the hour!" Sana squealed, breaking the otherwise quiet atmosphere. I see a couple of empty bottles on the table and that would explain the way that they were acting. I smiled and sat down at the table, some things never change.

Jeongyeon clinging next to Sana. They really do make a lovely couple and I'll gladly be Sana's maid of honor even if it means using my entire vacation for her. She stood by me when I needed her and I'll gladly stand by her side on her wedding day. I see Momo teasing Dahyun and last I heard Momo still hasn't confessed on what she feels towards the younger girl. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu still an odd pairing in my eyes but with Tzuyu being the model and muse I guess Chaeyoung's reputation as one of the world's best designer wouldn't change soon. Jihyo looking at me with motherly eyes but with a fake frown on her face.

"Took you long enough." Jihyo said to me

And then I saw her. I saw her camera slinged around her neck and her laugh seems to cut through the noise. She's beautiful, in every single way. I couldn't help but stare at her. Nayeon.

I was so scared and I can't seem to say anything

She looked me in the eye and I froze right there.

"Hey, Mina. It's been a long time." She greeted

"Hey, Nay" was all I could say

They talked about alot of things and I just smiled. Jeongyeon's work as a playwright and how for the new play Sana begged to be the villain this time to show her range. Dahyun's work as a counselor really fits her because of the sunny and positive attitude and Momo works as the school's dance teacher but she says it's purely coincidental that she ended up on the school where Dahyun is working. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu is the fashion industry's biggest names. A model and designer couple that I actually get to see when they go during London's fashion week. Jihyo's been active doing volunteer work and supporting multiple charities I would gladly sign a petition for her to be the next living saint. Nayeon's the award winning photographer, photojournalist, pulitzer nominee.

"How's work as a writer?" Chaeyoung asked

"Ehh it's okay. I'm not as successful as you guys though" I answered

"Shut up, I've been reading the Times. You get featured articles almost every month." Momo said

"Well I've got bills to pay." I joked

For the past 3 years I dedicated myself to work, I did what I had to. I wasn't a workaholic or anything it's just that other things seemed so trivial at the time and the house feels like it was just an empty shell. I love how they just accepted that I was there and everyone was indifferent and for a moment I truly felt like I was back.

When the others were leaving we were both left alone and she was cradling a beer bottle. I don't know how to approach her when she suddenly spoke to me.

"Stop being so awkward and stop acting scared I'm not a ghost"

I laughed silently. I keep on thinking on what I should say. Should I apologize or try to explain.

I observe her and she was just playing with her drink

I wonder how she can be so calm with the situation while my mind was racing and my heart was pounding.

"Stop staring, you might fall in love with me again"

I laughed at her comment

"You wish" I replied

I wanted to stay that I never stopped loving her. That I was sorry for being a coward. That I wanted to call her or leave her a message but I just kept my mouth shut. I'm here for a month and I can't go digging up buried truths.

"I'm pretty and talented. Whoever ends up with me is one lucky girl and you know it."

"I see the confidence hasn't changed, Nayeon-unnie. Drinking beer now? Thought you hated the stuff?" I asked trying to change the topic

As if to prove a point she took another one and removed the cap off. She clinked my bottle and drank the whole thing.

"People change, Minari" then she put the beer down. My heart dropped when I heard her call me by a nickname I thought I'll never hear again.

"Driver's here, see you tomorrow!" And just like that she waved off and ran to her car.

As I lay down my bed I try to replay everything. It's funny how I'm happy that my friends remained indifferent and it hurts that she was indifferent. I hate how it bothers me that she was unbothered about everything. I have no right to be affected by everything when I was the one who left and I should be happy that it doesn't tear her apart but it stings when she seemed so okay when I try with all that I have to pretend that everything's alright. It scares me to think you can be so uncertain on things you were absolutely certain of.


	2. Hair ties and Weddings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mina remembers home and what home is supposed to feel like.

I woke up with my hotel door being opened. I was on high alert and grabbed my nearest thing I could grab which is the bedside bible ready to swing it to whoever decided to enter my room at the ungodly hour of seven AM. Who is that? No one knows I'm here. I'm sure I've put up the do not disturb sign and then the door swung open. As million things pass my brain the door swung open and I stood in place. Ready to swing.

"What are you going to do? Exorcise me?"

I put the bible down and stared at Sana.

"Maybe I should. Are you even allowed in churches? How will Jeong marry you if you can't enter? How did you even enter my room?" Grumpy because my sleep was disturbed I returned to bed, ready to go back to sleep

Sana and I have been friends ever since I could remember. We live close by with each other and we always sat together in classes. When I left Sana was very understanding not even asking for the reason why. She listened to me rant about work and how I missed ~~Nayeon~~ everyone while I was away. 

"They gave me a keycard and keep talking like that and I might not even let you enter the venue. I'll have you know that I look very pretty in my wedding dress. I told them I forgot mine and you were my sister and showed our picture together. I always thought we looked cute here Mitang" showing me the picture she presented to the lobby.

She's been doing the sister stint for God knows how long and people seem to always believe her even though we look nothing alike.

"I just realized that this hotel is very unsafe. What if you're my crazy stalker? Which you are?! I'm changing my hotel and you would have no idea where it would be." I said. Wrapping myself with the blanket as I try to squeeze in a little bit more sleep.

Sana realized that I haven't had proper rest ever since I got here and looked at me guiltily

"Have I told you that my gown is very very beautiful?" She smiled at me sheepishly

We both laugh with that remark

"Of course it's pretty, it was designed by Chaeyoung" I grumbled

"Yeah, it was worth every penny" Sana said dreamily

"How much was it?" Calculating in my head how much does a designer gown would cost. I'm sure it's astronomical

"A box of strawberries and a box of Melon bread." Sana giggled

I pinched Sana. "Hey, you should pay her properly! Just because she's your friend doesn't mean you can get things for free."

Sana rubbed her cheeks. "I tried to but she won't hear any of it. She even called Tzuyu and Tzuyu gave me one of those looks. You know what I mean. That kid really does scare me sometimes. I'll repay them though you know I don't take no for an answer" Sana winked

I wonder what ridiculous thing Sana would do for the couple. I remembered when we helped her get together with Jeongyeon she was so happy she decided that feeding us for the entire year is the way to express her gratitude but she knows we'd do it without any reward. Momo didn't complain though.

Sana laid down beside me and hugged the sheets that I'm currently burritoed in.

"Still sleepy, Mitang?" She asked

I nodded

"Want me to get you some coffee?"

"Nope, it's fine I'm going take a nap in the car" I answered

Ever since returning all I can think about is Nayeon how Nayeon's the only person who could get my coffee right. I've traveled and tried a hundred coffee shops but no one came close to the way Nayeon makes it.

"So what's our plan today?" I asked

"Well, we're going to the venue then you and Nayeon will go to the florist to finalize some things —"

"Satang, I — are you sure it's a good idea for me and Nayeon to be alone together?"

"Myoui, it's been years and she's Jeongyeon's bestfriend. Please darling? Do it for me?" Sana replied making puppy eyes and pouting

"Fine! But no teasing" I said

Sana hugged me tighter and held me for awhile.

"So how did it go?" Sana asked breaking the silence

"She seems okay now and I'm glad that she is."

Sana stared at me. 

"Okayyy I was about to ask about the flight but go on tell me more about seeing the real reason why you went home."

"Oh" I've realized that she's the first thing I remember when I hear the word home

_"Punipuni akachan tadaima" and I perked up. My squishy baby is home._

_"Okaeri" I smiled at her_

_"Don't you find it funny that your girlfriend is japanese and you only bothered to learn that?" I teased_

_"Well I am squishy and I'm your baby. What else do you want?" She grinned_

_"Nahh, I don't need anything else. I just need you."_

_"Stop being corny" she replied but her smile gives her away._

_"So how was work?" I asked seeing the frown on her face_

_"Oh my God! I just hate some of these "professional photographers." " As she rolled her eyes and made air quotes._

_Nayeon continued to the kitchen making us both a cup of coffee_

_"You can't just snap a picture and be done with it! That doesn't do it justice. Especially on a wedding! It's only going to happen once. Once!! You have to make it more than just a picture. You have to capture the emotion of the moment." She continued_

_She handed me a cup_

_She looked at me and I urged her to continue. When she's talking about something she loves she can never stop nor would I want her to._

_"I know they hired me as a freelance photographer and I was supposed to capture the crowd's reaction or whatever but when I showed them the picture that I took as she walked down the aisle and as they were exchanging vows they started tearing up again and I was so proud, Baby. To make them feel everything like it's happening all over again. Like a flashback in a movie- wait why are you smiling like that?"_

_"I'm smiling because I'm proud of you." I said and you're perfect and I should really learn how to make this coffee. I've tried following her instructions but it's just different. Mental note to ask Nayeon to teach me tomorrow._

_"They said that they were going to refer me to some of their friends too and none of those point and click photographers. God, can you imagine if our wedding photos will be taken by those people? Ugh, I'd take the photos of our wedding personally but I have to be there to exchange our vows and kiss you in front of everyone without our friends making faces and you know how much I love kissing you" she raised her eyebrows_

_I was taken aback and was a bit shy. Our wedding. I can feel my heart beating faster. Our wedding._

_"You're being a dork and aren't you looking too far ahead, Ms. Im. Our wedding? You haven't even proposed yet. You know there's usually a ring right" Trying to play it cool_

_"Oh just wait as for the ring we'll just use this for now" she removed her hair tie letting her hair fall and wrapped the ponytail on my finger._

_"Don't say yes yet, I promise I'll do it right. This is just a reminder. You already know you're the only person I would marry. I wouldn't want anyone else."_

_And I smiled like a fool. I kissed her softly. This is my home. A pair of soft lips, bunny smile, and brown eyes. More than any house. My home is wherever she is. My home is Im Nayeon and I wouldn't want anyone else too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Should I just post the entire thing? Is anyone even reading this? Hope you're enjoying this!! Italicized parts are flashbacks btw.
> 
> Twitter: @itzyspidey


	3. Dresses and First Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exes as Maids-of-honor nothing can go wrong, right?

We accompanied Sana and Jeongyeon as they talk to their designer on how the venue is supposed to look on the big day. The car ride was brutal but actually having to talk to each other without alcohol is pure torture. Nayeon suddenly appreciated the ceiling and I had a sudden fascination with my white converse. Screw not talking we couldn't even look at each other.

"Mitang, do you think the pope should officiate the wedding?" Sana asked  
"Uhuh" I answered absentmindedly  
"Nayeon, should we paint the entire place hot pink?" Jeongyeon asked  
"Absolutely" Nayeon answered

"Stop!" They both said  
And I was pulled away from my thoughts  
"Yes?" I answered  
"You two should talk because you're too distracted I'm actually considering replacing you two." Jeongyeon said jokingly  
"We'll handle it from here go to the florist then head to Chaeyoung's. You two should really talk" Sana added

As we went to the flower shop to confirm the orders Nayeon pulled me to the side.  
"We should really snap out of it" Nayeon said  
"Yeah, for Sana and Jeongyeon" I agreed  
"For Sana and Jeongyeon"

The rest of the day went without a hitch and we headed to Chaeyoung's.  
Nayeon and I were the last to have our measurements taken. It was because we were both out of the country when everybody else was here. I asked Chaeyoung if they can finish with very limited time but Chaeyoung assured me that it would be fine and that she cleared her schedule anyway to focus on Sana's wedding. When we were done taking measurements for our dresses Chaeyoung invited us to have lunch together.

  
Tzuyu was there when we arrived. Tzuyu was seated on the end of the booth and Chaeyoung took the seat beside her.  
"Tzuyu!! My daughter, I've missed you. Chaeyoung move." Nayeon cooed  
Chaeyoung was about to stand-up but Tzuyu pulled her back  
"Chaeyoung, stay" Tzuyu said  
Chaeyoung looked at them back and forth. Absolutely lost on who to follow  
Nayeon gave in and sat down beside me  
Nayeon pouted "Didn't you miss your mother?"  
"You're not my mother, I'm not sure if I can even call you unnie sometimes." Tzuyu answered  
"I can't believe you! I fed you! Whatever happened to the little baby who said that she'll become a model and I'll be the only photographer who can take her pictures?"  
"You can't call me little I literally towered over you when we met" Tzuyu smiled enjoying the exchange.  
"Hmph, you know you love me and Chaeyoung. Take care of my first born." Nayeon glared  
"Yes, Ma'am" Chaeyoung answered while giving a salute.  
I laughed at their antics.  
"Don't you see Tzuyu often, Nayeonnie?" I asked. Curious knowing how fond Nayeon is of Tzuyu  
"Well, I do see her from time to time. When I'm not out travelling or if our schedules overlap. When was the last time, Tzuyu-yah?" Nayeon asked  
"A year ago in London when you were looking for Min—awww" Chaeyoung yelped in pain  
With Nayeon's eyes wide in horror and Tzuyu pinching Chaeyoung's sides.  
"For the fashion week, unnie." Tzuyu smiled  
"Yeah, for the fashion week" Chaeyoung hastily agreed

The rest of our lunch together continued. Talking and catching up but I can't take my mind off of things. Nayeon looked for me?

  
For the following days me and Nayeon was forced to do everything together. We accompanied Jeongyeon and Sana to help them plan their wedding. From food and wine tastings to picking up the invitation. Admittedly there were times when it was awkward but we somehow got into a very familiar routine.   
During the dress rehearsals we decided to make a quick escapade because Jeongyeon and Sana was being very Jeongyeon and Sana. Still wearing the beautiful dresses Chaeyoung designed we decided to take off.

"Where are you taking me, Nay?" I asked  
"You'll see, Minari" she said.  
We continued the drive on familiar roads while singing to random songs on the radio. Screaming and shouting on the songs we used to listened to driving on the same road.

When we were about to arrive she insisted that I cover my eyes and I followed no idea what's about to happen. She parked the car and gently led me out. As she removed the blindfold I can't help but smile.  
Here we are dressed in gowns by one of the most sought after fashion designer in the country and we were standing in front of our favorite jjajangmyeon restaurant. As we entered we were shocked to see a familiar face "Mina!! Nayeon!! I've missed you girls so much!" The auntie greeted us.  
The old owner smiled and immediately gave us a table. "Look at you with the beautiful gowns. Will it be the usual? I can't believe that it's been years young ladies. I've been watching Naynay's career and even got tickets to see the exhibit."  
"You shouldn't have. I would have gladly gave you tickets." Nayeon replied  
"Exhibit?" I raised my eyebrows  
Nayeon shushed me saying she'll explain later.  
As the old lady was preparing the food she took a weird look at us from the kitchen window and started talking.  
"Nonsense. It's because of you two that this place got known anyway. Being featured in the local paper with an article written by Mina with beautiful detail you felt like you were there and Nay's pictures that made the food look a hundred times tastier. I even had the article framed." She pointed at the corner of the room   
"I'm so glad you're still together. I actually heard rumors you know. They keep saying that you two broke up. And I'm like bah nonsense." Waving her hand she continued "No one knows you like I do and I've seen the way you two look at each other."  
I tried to object but Nayeon squeezed my hand  
Auntie took a quick peek  
"And you still even look at each other the same way. Mina still looks at Nayeon like her sun, bright and beautiful and Nayeon still looks at Mina  
"Like the constellations on the night sky" I continued softly. I tried looking at Nayeon but she avoids my gaze but I noticed she was still holding my hand.

  
_"Get in!!" Nayeon pulled me inside it was raining and we need to find somewhere to get cover_  
_Our first date is ruined because it started raining hard. I knew it. Uncertainties and probabilities._  
_We stumbled upon a little restaurant and the auntie welcomed us_  
_"What would you girls want?" The owner asked_  
_"Jjampong and Jjajangmyeon!" Nayeon answered_  
_We waited for a few minutes for the food and I was beating myself up for messing up our first date. I should have planned it properly_  
_When the steaming food arrived and we took a taste Nayeon squealed happily. She did a little dance while humming_  
_"Auntie, this is delicious!" I said_  
_"I'm glad it rained and we stumbled here" Nayeon said_  
_"You two are too sweet." The auntie smiled_  
_"You make a great couple" the auntie added_  
_"You can tell?" Nayeon asked with mouthful of food_  
_"Of course, I've seen that look before."_  
_The auntie pointed at me "You look like you're looking at the sun, bright and beautiful"_  
_And pointed at Nayeon_  
_"And you look like you're looking at the constellations on the night sky"_  
_We stared at each other, conscious that someone else was looking at us but we both smiled_  
_Nayeon took my hand and squeezed it_  
_"Best first date ever"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying it. Would love to get some feedback!! Thanks for reading!!


	4. Photos and Walking Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nayeon's exhibit and why Mina left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Mental health issues particularly anxiety attacks
> 
> Also thanks for those who are reading and leaving kudos it really does mean alot to me. Hope this breaks your heart. This is actually the chapter where I changed my mind the most on why Mina left. I have written 3 different scenarios for this but ended up with the last one

It's Sana and Jeongyeon's bachelorette party and everyone just decided to let loose. The party's theme is college life (that's when they met and they want to relieve that "to remember" they said) and everyone is acting like they're actually in college. Sana and Jeongyeon can't seem to leave each other alone. It actually feels like a college party. Now chaos ensued with two groups of friends running around and celebrating. Jihyo being Jihyo is running around like everyone's mother scolding anyone who seems to take drinking or pranking a little too far. I sticked with Nayeon the entire time even having the courage to grab her hand. There's tables of drinking games from beer pong to flip cup.

Nayeon looked at me with mischievous glint in her eyes

"Uh, oh" I thought

Nayeon was (and she would insist that she still is) the queen of drinking games. She played it all and while I preferred to play actual games (Mario Kart, Minecraft you get the idea). Nayeon would drag me to team up with her and I just can't help it when I'm being too competitive too so we were known as an unbeatable duo (not really some US exchange students smoked us but Nayeon would say that doesn't count because they're the forefather of drinking games.).

Nayeon decided to play everything and I do mean everything now after one too many and winning everything Nayeon decided to settle down for a bit lying on my lap. I was holding her hand drawing random circles when her eyes lit up and she got up.

"Wanna see my exhibit?" Nayeon asked

I agreed immediately. Nayeon avoided the topic like the plague after asking her about it saying it's not for me to see but if drunk Nayeon would show it to me then I would gladly take the opportunity.

We got out of the cab and I observed the place. A small building with glass panels but you can't really see anything. Nayeon opened the door and we walked inside together.

A mural was painted on the white pristine wall with the words "And if heartbreak were photos, you would find them here"

I observed the photos on display. Frames upon frames with inscriptions written on a gold plaque

A picture of the night sky with a silhouette of a girl 

And the inscription reads:

On rainy summer days or warm winter nights,

You are always going to be my favorite sight.

And darling when you hugged me tight,

It felt like everything will be alright.

I know that poem

I should know

I wrote that for her

I looked at all the pictures. It's our pictures. It's pictures of me. Blurred and obscure but I would know and in all the inscriptions were poems that I wrote for her. The exhibit is a photo album with 3 years worth of memories. She held onto it. She held onto me.

I walked at the end. The night of the fireworks show. The night where I left without a word or any explanation. I ran away from her

"So why did you leave, Mina?"

"Nayeon, you're drunk let's get you home. I— " I tried to answer

"I deserve an explanation? Right? So please tell me" her eyes pleading

"Answer me" her voice slightly raised

"Please, give me a reason" her voice soft now

"I left because I can't ruin your happiness. You were finally achieving your dream. You were happy and I'm proud. I'm so fucking proud. Look at what you have achieved."

"Then why did you leave. All of this felt so incomplete without you. I was happy but you left a void no amount of success could ever replace. Why can't you tell me? Am I not worth the explanation?"

I took a deep breath

"I was dragging you down, Nay. You were stopping yourself because you're worried that you might leave me behind."

She just stared at me

"I was holding you back and we both know it. I saw the internship offers, Nayeon and I saw that you were never going to accept it because I was a wreck at that time. The frequent anxiety attacks. You were on the verge of your success and I can't make you stop." I was angry. I am angry. But not at her. I was mad at the world for taking away my chance at happiness.

"I would have taken care of you. I could've been there for you."

"And that was the problem! I'll never forgive myself if you give up on your dream just to take care of me. I was so scared but I'd rather lose you than see you lose your dream. So yes maybe I am a bit selfish but I don't regret any of it."

I wish she managed to disappoint or fail me somehow but I know she loved me despite the walls that she put up and the facade she shows.

"You don't get to make that decision for me" she answered

"It wasn't easy for me too, Nay. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat for 3 days thinking if I'm making the right decision. It wasn't easy for me but I had to make a choice." I said quietly

She was looking at the photograph of the fireworks

"I've learned to accept that people can come and go as they please and it's okay I feel like I'm never enough to make people stay anyway." She sighed "I have lost faith in love because how can something that lasted for 3 years be done by a decision that you get to make in 3 days? Atleast you were prepared, you get to decide when it ends and you got time to think about it but what about me? I was forced to accept a decision that I was totally unprepared for all while waiting for you to come and talk to me. I was worried and I was scared because I didn't get to hear from you" Nayeon replied still staring at the photograph

"I'm sorry" was all I could muster up to say.

"Yeah, I was a fool thinking maybe if I loved you hard enough things would fall into place. I have no doubt in my mind that you loved me, Mina. Just not enough to make you stay."

And with that she smiled at me and walked away.

_Why I left_

_I see Nayeon sleeping on the desk with her laptop still turned on. I was about to shake her awake when the opened file caught my eye._

_Thank you for considering me for the position unfortunately I will have to decline the offer due to personal reasons_

_And then it dawned on me. It's because of me. One call pleading to come and get me and she'll be there within minutes. I remembered the last time I did it._

_"Where are you? I'm having an episode please come and get me." Knowing Nayeon is always a message away_

_"I'll be right there" she would always say. Dropping everything she's doing._

_"I'm here, love. Shhh" she would wrap me in a blanket and hug me while rubbing my back. Making things a little bit better._

_"I'm here, baby. Take a deep breath" She would continuously say until I fall asleep_

_I would wake up and find her asleep while sitting down on the couch._

_Im Nayeon, how do you do it? I wondered._

_I thought about how many times I did it. I wonder how many opportunity she gave up. I'm dragging her down and that broke my heart. She has been my constant assurance but she has a dream to follow and I can't drag her down. It's her dream before she even met me and I can't make her lose that too. I need to do this for her and I need to do this for me._

_Nayeon stirred for her nap. "Hey, baby. Are you ready to watch the fireworks show?" She asked_

_Knowing how excited she is about the whole thing because fireworks are magical for her I answered trying to hide the sadness in my voice_

_"Of course, love" I answered_

_We watched the fireworks show and her eyes never stopped shining. I tried to memorize everything. How her face looks, how she furrows her brow when she's thinking, how her eyes form crescents when she smiles, how she holds her breath when we're about to kiss. I try to remember her slender fingers and how it absolutely doesn't fit mine at all. But we make it work. Because that was the promise wasn't it? That we'll always make it work but that doesn't seem like an option now. So I memorized everything. Remembering anything because this would be the last time that I'll get to see her._

_A quick research showed that one of the best psychiatrist is based on London._

_I called one of my friends_

_"Rosé, is the job offer in London still open?" I asked_

_"For one of the best writers I ever get to work with? Always" she answered_

_I prepared everything and prepared everything as fast as possible_

_I've been avoiding Nayeon for 3 days. I can't bear to see her or hear from her. Knowing that she could always give me a reason to stay and now here I am walking away from everything that I've ever known and everything that I've ever loved, wishing and praying that I have the courage to leave when all my heart ever wanted was to stay._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first au/story ever. Please don't be harsh but send me your thoughts on twitter @itzyspidey Hope you enjoy!! Thank you


End file.
